tracks : Pay My Debt
- Creation year
I was returning from my first (and to date the only) trip to Japan, sitting on train, waking but detached. The motive "I'm here to pay / I am here to pay my debt" with the melody was present since short before the trip, it laid down and rested. I immersed into the words, let images and melodies come and wrote the song before I arrived.
At first, it was about "the great Lord throned inside". But it just didn't feel right. I re-arranged some of the verses and turned the subject into the Lady.
The special thing about writing this song for me was that it turned out telling a story (instead of expressing a state of mind or criticizing something) but I didn't have that story before I started writing.
A look in my eyes when I stopped to hide. The mirror never lies nor does it show the inside. A step through the gate with no look behind. I bow to the great lady inside. My throat gets dry. I look at the ground as I try to utter something sound. I'm here to pay. I am here to pay my debt. I came to pay all that is left to this day. I start to hand over all I had acquired. The bag on my shoulder, my anger and desire. The Lady's gaze is kind. I wish that I could stay. The valley of tears outside seems as cold as icy rain. I'm here to pay. I am here to pay my debt. I came to pay all that is left to this day. And I'll be free. I'll walk out the front door. Won't have no reason any more to sleep with fear. I'm standing there naked like when I was born. and looking at me from her glaring throne. Still unsatisfied, the Lady has me to begone. I don't know what to say or where I failed. I still cannot believe that I was betrayed. And when the sadness makes me feel like I'd die, I understand that what I owe is I. I'm here to pay. I am here to pay my debt. I came to pay all that is left to this day. And I'll be free. I'll walk out the front door. Won't have no reason any more to sleep with fear. And I will live. I will walk among the dead And I will eat my daily bread looking the lady in the eyes. I will live.